


The Longest Night

by Anonymous



Category: Queer Eye for the Straight Guy RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, Out of Character, Rape Recovery, Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:41:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25296328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: While Bobby, Tan, Jonathan, and Karamo are out celebrating one night, Antoni is attacked & left injured in more ways than one. Antoni now must go through a journey of recovery - physically and mentally. Thankfully, his brothers will always be there to pick him up when he falls back down.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 34
Collections: Anonymous





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So, I just wanted to state a couple of things here:  
> 1\. After reading this back, I realized that I made Antoni's dominant hand his right hand, but I know it is his left hand irl so don't attack me.   
> 2\. I don't mention anybody's partners in this story so far. I don't think I'm going to reference them at all so it's up to your imagination if they're married or not.   
> 3\. I know some of the boys don't drink, once again, this is a work of fiction and does not in any way represent the Fab 5 in any capacity.   
> 4\. I am also aware that JVN is non-binary but I know that he accepts all pronouns (look at his insta profile) so I just wrote using male pronouns.   
> 5\. Please read and review!

Antoni had stepped outside for a moment, intending to walk the couple of blocks to the 24/7 market to get some more garlic for the pasta he was making for dinner. The sun was just beginning to set, painting the city in a golden glow as Antoni waited to cross the street. The air was getting chillier by the minute, sunset fast approaching, and Antoni wrapped the scarf around his neck just a little tighter. He was hoping to be back at the loft before it got dark, but now it was looking like that wouldn’t happen. 

The other boys were out celebrating Karamo’s birthday at a local bar before heading back home where Antoni was surprising Karamo with his favorite dinner and desert. Tan had lied and said that Antoni wasn’t feeling well to explain his absence. The guys were going to get a little buzzed at Karamo’s favorite place then they would come back, eat food, and drink some more. 

It was going to be the perfect night. 

Antonia grabbed a bag of fresh garlic, knowing he would use it all up within the week, and checked out. As he stepped outside the market, the sun began to dip lower, blanketing the streets in a dark blue. The wind was beginning to whip Antoni’s scarf around, burning his cheeks with cold. He tightened his grip on the bag of garlic and began his trek back to the loft. Just a block and a half away from the loft, a voice called out to him. 

“Hey! Aren’t you Antoni Porowski?” 

Antoni paused and turned around, finding himself face to face with a group of four, admittedly handsome, men. 

“Yeah, I am.” Antoni confirmed, giving his signature lopsided grin. 

“Could we get a picture? If you’re not busy, that is.” One of the guys, asked. 

He was just a couple of inches taller than Antoni, all blonde hair and blue eyes, and Antoni couldn’t say no. 

So the guys got around him, blue eyes pulling out his phone, and posed to take a selfie. After a couple of shots, blue eyes stepped aside. 

“Perfect.” He said. 

Antoni should have known then that something was wrong. Blue eyes wasn’t looking down at his phone, at the pictures, instead he was scanning the now empty road. Suddenly, Antoni felt two pairs of hands wrap around his upper arms, and yank him into the alley between the buildings they were standing in front of. In his shock, Antoni dropped his bag of garlic on the ground. 

Nobody heard his shouts. 

************************************************************************************

“Another round of shots!” Jonathan yelled out as their server brought them another tray of tequila and limes. 

There was a chorus of cheers amongst the group as they grabbed their drinks and threw them back. The boys had been going at this for a while now and were definitely feeling more than buzzed. Tan had lost track of the time a few hours ago and was sure that Antoni would be calling them any moment now demanding to know where they were because dinner was getting cold. However, Bobby and Jonathan were currently corralling Karamo up to the stage for some karaoke so that was the least of his worries at the moment. 

It was a couple of songs later that Tan’s phone rang. Laughing uncontrollably, Tan pulled out his phone and glanced down at who was calling. Antoni’s picture was filling his screen and Tan realized that it was well past nine at night. They were so dead. 

“Okay before you start chewing us out we’re sorry. We lost track of time and we’re headed back right now. I know you hate reheating food but could you make an exception just this one time?” Tan begged as he tried to get the other guys attention. 

There was silence on the other line and Tan thought Antoni must have been really pissed off. Maybe he shouldn’t have suggested reheating their food after all. Tan gestured at the boys, letting them know he was stepping outside, and holding his phone up slightly. Bobby looked at his watch and winced once he realized that Tan was on the phone with Antoni. He then grabbed ahold of Jonathan and Karamo and herded them towards their table to grab their things. 

“Antoni? Can you hear me better?” Tan asked as he stepped outside. 

“Yeah,” Came Antoni’s whispered reply. 

“Antoni? Are you okay? What’s going on?” Tan asked, noticing how quiet his friend was being. 

It took a moment before Antoni responded. 

“Can you come pick me up?” 

Tan was stunned, why would Antoni need to be picked up from anywhere? Wasn’t he at home cooking dinner? 

“What? Where are you?”

“The hospital…” Antoni trailed off. 

“The hospital? What are you doing at the hospital?” Tan asked, immediately sobering up. 

“Hospital? Who’s at the hospital?” 

“Is that Antoni?” 

“What’s going on?” 

Tan turned around to the worried faces of Jonathan, Bobby, and Karamo. 

“I don’t know… I… Antoni? What’s going on?” Tan asked, turning slightly away to hear his friend better. 

“Please just… just you… come get me.” Antoni begged. 

Tan could hear the tears in Antoni’s voice and knew he had to do something. 

“Alright, I’m going to catch a ride to the hospital and the other guys will head back to the loft. I’m leaving right now.” 

“Thank you.” Antoni whispered. 

Then he hung up. 

“Antoni?” Tan said, but there was no response. 

“What’s going on?” Bobby asked, stepping closer to Tan. 

Bobby was considerably less drunk than Jonathan and Karamo and therefore was able to understand the severity of the situation better. 

“Antoni is at the hospital. He wants me to come pick him up. I need you guys to get back to the loft and wait for us.” Tan said, already pulling up his Uber app.  
Bobby nodded and opened his own phone, getting a car for the trio to head back home. 

“What’s going on?” Jonathan asked, arms wrapped around Karamo’s shoulders. 

“We’re headed back to the loft but Tan’s going to go pick up Antoni.” Bobby said, not knowing how much information to spill. 

Seeing as the other two were still highly intoxicated, they didn’t question what Antoni was up to. 

Tan made sure to see the boys off before getting his own ride and heading straight for the hospital.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm not a doctor :)

“We’re just waiting on your test results and then you can leave.” The doctor said as he typed some stuff into the computer in the corner of the room. 

Antoni nodded, curling more into himself from where he sat on the edge of the bed. He just wanted to go home. He had gotten a few stitches in his lip and right eyebrow, his right arm was wrapped in a sling to keep his dislocated shoulder from moving. They said that his ribs on his left side were broken but not to wrap them up or they would restrict his breathing. He had bruises and cuts all over his face and arms. They cleaned them up. They said that he should call somebody to take him home so he called Tan. 

At some point the doctor had left and a nurse had come in. She was putting together his discharge papers and his prescription, explaining what the pills would do. Antoni didn’t say anything to her. 

“You should talk to the police.” 

Antoni’s head jerked up and stared at her. 

“No.” 

“If you would report what happened then they would start looking –“ 

“I said no!” Antoni shouted. 

The nurse startled and suddenly the door opened and in walked Tan, looking a bit disheveled. His eyes widened as he took in Antoni’s appearance, his hand coming up to cover his mouth. 

“Oh, Ant.” Tan whispered, walking closer to his friend, “What happened?” 

Antoni curled into himself more, staring at his hands instead of Tan. His nails were all torn and bloodied, his left palm bandaged. He felt a soft hand gently cup his chin and guide his face up. 

“Talk to me Ant.” Tan whispered, rubbing his thumb softly over Antoni’s bruised cheekbone. 

Antoni felt a tear slip from his eye as he shakily whispered, “I just want to go home.”

“We can go home.” Tan nodded, wiping away Antoni’s tear. 

“We’re still waiting on his test results, actually. It’ll be another ten minutes give or take.” The nurse spoke up. 

“Can’t they call him with the results? He wants to go home.” Tan insisted, turning his head to stare at the nurse. 

“Well… these just aren’t results we typically give over the phone.” The nurse cryptically explained. 

“Why? What are they?” Tan asked, brows furrowing. 

The nurse opened her mouth but no words came out. She shot a quick glance over at her patient, unsure of how to respond. Antoni locked eyes with her, slowly nodding, before looking back down at his hands. 

“We’re waiting for the STD panel to finish running.” The nurse said. 

Tan only looked more confused. 

“What? Why?” 

“Because…. Because it’s procedure to run it after a… rape kit is performed.” The nurse slowly explained, watching her patient for any sign to stop talking. 

Tan went stiff. He couldn’t breathe. Carefully, Tan turned around to look at Antoni who appeared to be trying to make himself look even smaller than he already was. He was hunkered down, as if trying to disappear, and was once again fixated on his hands rather than looking at Tan. 

“Ant, baby, look at me.” Tan whispered, emotion choking his words. 

Antoni merely shook his head, squeezing his eyes closed as his shoulders began to shake from the sobs he was trying to suppress. 

“Oh baby boy,” Tan shushed, gathering Antoni into his arms, “I’ve got you. Just let it out.” 

That was all the encouragement Antoni needed as he began to full on sob into Tan’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around Tan’s slim frame. Antoni wasn’t sure how much time had passed before the door to his room was once again opening. Antoni pulled back some to acknowledge his doctor but Tan refused to let him go altogether, merely moving around so he could remain touching him. 

“Mr. Porowski?” the doctor read off the chart in his hand, “We have your test results back.” 

The doctor glanced up at him so he mutely nodded, feeling Tan’s hand lightly squeeze his shoulder in support. The doctor looked over at Tan then back at Antoni.

“Would you like your friend to leave while I tell you your results?” 

Antoni quickly shook his head, feeling his breath catch at the idea of doing this alone. 

“I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere.” Tan whispered, trying to ground him. 

“Okay, well, I’ll just read this to you real quick so you can go. All of your test results came back negative…” 

Antoni couldn’t hear the rest of what the doctor was saying. He was relieved beyond compare. He felt his body relax back into Tan who had kissed him on the temple upon hearing the news. Tan was still listening to the doctor so Antoni didn’t have to focus too much on what was being said. 

“You’ll have to come back in two weeks to do a follow-up screening, but other than that, you’re free to go.” The doctor finished, handing the discharge papers and prescription to Tan. 

“Thank you,” Tan said, turning around to help guide Antoni off the examination bed. 

Antoni stumbled a bit upon standing but quickly righted himself. Tan interlaced their fingers and led him through the hospital towards the waiting room. There, Tan gently pushed Antoni down into a chair and pulled out his phone. 

“I’m getting us a ride back. I didn’t drive here and the others are probably still too drunk to drive.” Tan explained as he pressed his Uber app. 

Antoni nodded, curling his arms around his midriff and hunching forward. 

“I didn’t get to finish making dinner.” Antoni whispered, staring at the ground. 

Tan set his phone down on top of the paperwork and turned towards Antoni. 

“Don’t you dare worry about that right now Ant. I’m sure the boys have already ordered something to eat by now. Besides, none of this was your fault.” Tan firmly said. 

Antoni turned his head to look at Tan, tears building in his eyes. 

“I just went out to get garlic. That was it. And then this happened.” 

Tan’s heart began to beat heavily in his chest. He couldn’t stand to see his best friend crying and in pain. It made him sick to his stomach. 

“When we get home you’ll go take a nice hot shower and get dressed in comfy clothes while I make you something to eat. Okay?” Tan said, reaching over and rubbing Antoni’s back. 

Antoni nodded and leaned into the touch. 

Shortly after, their ride pulled up and the boys shuffled into the back of the car. 

The ride to the loft wasn’t long and before they knew it they were in the elevator on their way up to their home. As Tan pulled out his key to unlock the door, Antoni could hear the boys laughing in the living room. Antoni subconsciously wrapped his arms around his stomach. He didn’t want to ruin their night any more than he had. 

“You stop that.” Tan gently admonished, “Head straight for your bathroom and I’ll explain everything to them. Remember what I said, Ant, this isn’t your fault.” 

Antoni nodded and as soon as Tan opened the door, Antoni darted towards his room ignoring the chorus of ‘Antoni’ that called after him. 

Tan shut the door behind him and turned to the others. They had continued the party at home, it seemed, considering the empty beer bottles and stacks of pizza boxes littering the table. For a moment, Tan felt irrationally angry. How could they be partying away while Antoni’s life was crumbling around him? Tan then tried to reason with himself, they didn’t know what was happening, and the anger soon faded away to be replaced by guilt. Tan had also been partying while Antoni’s whole life was crumbling around him. 

“Tan? Where’s Antoni going?” Jonathan asked from where he was sprawled out over Bobby’s lap. Karamo was laid out right next to them on the couch.

Tan looked at all three of the boys and sat down on the coffee table. He took a breath but no words seemed to come out. Bobby, sensing the seriousness of the matter, gently pushed Jonathan into a sitting position and leaned forward. 

“What happened tonight Tan?” Bobby asked, the tone of his voice causing Karamo to sit up too. 

Tan sighed and put his face in his hands. Jonathan reached out and squeezed his knee. Tan lifted his head and gave him a small smile. 

“Honestly, I don’t even have the full story. What I do know is Antoni called me and said he needed me to get him from the hospital. When I got there he… god he was beaten so bad.” Tan said, staring at Bobby. 

“What?” Bobby said, leaning forward and grabbing Tan’s hand. 

Jonathan and Karamo were in shock, mouths open wide. 

“He… He was beaten and raped.” Tan spit out, gripping the edge of the coffee table. 

There was silence as the others tried to process what Tan had said. 

“Wait, I thought Antoni wasn’t feeling good. Did somebody break in here?” Karamo asked, scanning the loft. 

“No, we lied. Antoni was here making a dinner while we were out. He stepped out to get garlic and then this happened.” Tan explained. 

Karamo squeezed his eyes shut as his heart sank. Antoni was hurt making something for him. 

“Don’t beat yourself up over this, Karamo. It’s not your fault.” Bobby said, squeezing his arm. 

“Yes, please don’t,” Tan agreed, “Antoni is blaming himself for literally everything right now and we need to make sure he doesn’t feel guilty about any of this.” 

Jonathan nodded in agreement while Karamo sighed. 

“How bad is he hurt?” Karamo asked. 

“His ribs are broken, his ankle is messed up, he’s got some stitches in his face, his arm was dislocated, and he’s got a bunch of bruises.” Tan said. 

“Jesus,” Bobby whispered. 

“Did they do a rape kit and STD screen?” Jonathan asked. 

“Yes. His screen came back negative. He has to go back in two weeks for a follow-up.” 

Jonathan nodded. 

There was silence as the boys soaked in everything Tan had just told them. It was broken by Antoni slowly walking into the room, holding his right arm stiffly by his side and his sling in his left. His hair was dripping wet, soaking into the collar of his shirt. 

“Can someone help me with this?” Antoni asked, gesturing with the sling towards his shoulder and staring at the ground. 

“Yeah,” Tan said, getting up and motioning for Antoni to sit on the coffee table. 

Antoni sat down and handed the sling over. 

“I’m going to get you something to eat.” Bobby announced, standing up and going into the kitchen, brushing his hand against Antoni’s arm as he passed him. 

“I’m not that hungry.” Antoni announced. 

“Something light then.” Karamo suggested, getting up and following Bobby. 

Tan finished tightening the sling and stepped back to view his handiwork. 

“Do you want me to help you dry your hair” Jonathan asked, getting up and fingering the wet collar of Antoni’s shirt. 

“If you don’t mind.” Antoni whispered. 

“Not at all!” Jonathan said, holding his hand out for Antoni to hold. 

Jonathan led Antoni back to his bathroom while Tan wandered over to the kitchen. Bobby was heating up some soup that Antoni had made the other night while Karamo set up a plate of crackers. They both looked over at Tan as he approached. 

“Did Antoni report this to the police?” Karamo asked as he arranged the crackers onto a small plate. 

Tan sighed, shaking his head, “I don’t believe so. I think he was actually arguing with the nurse about it when I stepped into the room. She was insisting that he do so but he just wanted to come home.” 

“Well, whatever Antoni decides he wants to do, we need to respect his wishes. He had all of his control taken away from him tonight. He was helpless and defenseless and we cannot let him feel like that again, but especially not right now.” Bobby said as he scooped some soup out of the warm pot and into a bowl. 

“I agree.” Tan said, pulling out a tray to set the bowl and plate on. 

The three guys made their way towards Antoni’s room where they found the door open. Tan set the tray down on Antoni’s nightstand and went to peek into his bathroom. The door was slightly ajar so Tan slowly pushed it open more and leaned against the frame. 

Jonathan had dried Antoni’s hair and was currently helping him shave the stubble that had been accumulating over the past couple of days. Tan vaguely remembered Antoni stating he would be shaving this morning and Jonathan must have thought of that too. Antoni met his eyes in the mirror’s reflection and Tan gave him a small smile. 

“We brought you something to eat. Do you want to eat in here or the living room?” Tan asked, trying to allow Antoni control over the situation. 

Jonathan pulled the blade back from Antoni’s face so he could respond. 

“Here, please.” 

“Of course, love. Are you okay with all of us being in here with you?” Tan asked.

Antoni hesitated for a second before nodding. Both Tan and Jonathan caught the brief pause and Jonathan set the blade on the counter. 

“Ant, look at me. You will not hurt anybody’s feelings if you want to be by yourself or with just one of us, understand?” Jonathan said, maintaining eye contact with Antoni through the mirror. 

“I just…I just want Tan…” Antoni whispered, “I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t apologize!” Jonathan exclaimed at the same time that Tan said, “You have nothing to be sorry for!” 

Antoni nodded slightly and began to play with his fingers again, a nervous habit that Tan noticed immediately. Before the boys fell into a rhythm, and Antoni was still incredibly shy and unsure of himself, he used to twist his fingers whenever he was anxious. It broke Tan’s heart that Antoni was reverting back into old habits. 

“I’m just going to finish this patch on your chin and then I’ll get out of your hair.” Jonathan said, gently tilting Antoni’s head back and picking the blade up   
again.

Tan turned slightly to look at Bobby and Karamo who were sitting on the end of Antoni’s bed. Both boys had heard Antoni and were waiting to tell him goodnight. 

Jonathan finished shaving Antoni’s face and wiped the excess shave cream off. 

“Perfect!” Jonathan said and Antoni immediately flinched. 

Jonathan stepped back as Tan stepped forward, both unsure of what just happened. Antoni had curled into himself, his breaths turning shaky. 

“What’s wrong?” Tan asked, gently laying a hand on his arm. 

“Don’t say that. Please.” Antoni whispered, looking at Jonathan through his eyelashes. 

Jonathan nodded mutely, mouth slightly open. He had no idea what to say. 

“Can I be alone now?” Antoni mumbled, looking back down at his hands. 

“Do you still want me to stay?” Tan asked, crouching down to look at Antoni’s face. 

“No.” Antoni whispered, refusing to make eye contact with anyone. 

Tan didn’t know what to do. A part of him didn’t want Antoni to be by himself but the other part of him knew that Antoni needed to have his requests listened to. He needed to feel in control. 

“Okay. We’ll go. We’re all just down the hall if you need us, okay? Even if it’s three in the morning you can come wake any of us up, alright?” Tan murmured, rubbing his hand up and down Antoni’s back. 

Antoni nodded, still refusing to look at anyone. Tan leaned up and pressed a kiss to the side of Antoni’s head. 

“We love you Ant and we’re all here for you.” Tan whispered. 

Jonathan stepped forward and repeated the sentiment, giving Antoni a kiss on the top of his head. When Antoni didn’t respond both boys took that as their cue to leave. Tan followed Jonathan into Antoni’s room and gestured to the other two on the bed. 

“Come on,” Tan said, nodding towards the door. 

Karamo furrowed his brows as he and Bobby stood up. 

“I thought you were staying in here with him.” 

Tan shook his head, “He changed his mind.” 

Bobby sighed and looked back over at Antoni’s bathroom. Said man was still sitting in the chair in front of his mirror, playing with his fingers, shoulders hunched. Bobby followed the boys out of Antoni’s room, pulling the door shut behind him. 

Tan immediately walked up to Jonathan and put his hand on his arm, “What did you say to him?” 

Jonathan turned, tears sparkling his eyes, “I just said ‘perfect’. That was it. And it really upset him and I didn’t mean to.” 

“Shh…” Karamo shushed, pulling Jonathan into a hug, “You didn’t know it would upset him.” 

Jonathan nodded and hugged Karamo back. 

“Let’s all try and get some sleep. This isn’t going to be an issue that just goes away overnight and we all need to be well rested to help Antoni.” Bobby suggested. 

Tan nodded in agreement and a little while later the loft had been cleaned up and the four boys had retired to their own rooms.


	3. Chapter 3

Antoni had been sitting in his bathroom zoned out for what had to have been a couple of hours by now. He slowly got up and wandered into his room, noticing the food left on his nightstand. He felt off, a little fuzzy, and his ribs were really starting to hurt him. He walked over and felt the soup, it was ice cold. Even though he absolutely hated reheating food, Antoni had no other choice. He went to pick up the bowl, but couldn’t get a good grip with just his left hand. Antoni glanced over at his clock and realized it was a little past two in the morning. Could he really wake up one of the boys just to heat up a bowl of soup for him? 

Antoni felt tears prick his eyes as an overwhelming feeling of uselessness rushed over him. He couldn’t even heat up a bowl of soup on his own right now. Taking a deep breath and wiping the stray tears off his face, Antoni decided to bite the bullet and wake Tan up. 

Antoni quietly stepped out into the hallway and made his way to Tan’s room. He let out a sigh of relief when he noticed the light filtering out from under Tan’s door and the soft sounds of a television. At least he was still up. Antoni lightly knocked on the door, leaning his forehead against the wood as he tried to ride a sudden wave of pain from his ribs. 

“Come in!” Tan called out and Antoni twisted the knob to open the door. 

Tan was sitting up in bed, book open on his lap and reruns of Keeping up with the Kardashians playing in the background. Tan glanced up as his door opened and his eyes immediately softened. 

“Hey love,” Tan said, closing his book and setting it on his nightstand, “What can I do for you?” 

Antoni paused in the doorway, suddenly feeling a little dumb and really helpless. Tan, sensing his trepidation, pulled the blankets back and got out of bed. He cautiously made his way over to Antoni and reached out his hand, holding it. 

“Whatever it is Ant, you won’t be judged.” Tan said, kindly smiling. 

“Can you heat my soup back up?” Antoni whispered, shyly looking up at Tan, “I can’t pick up the bowl with just my left hand.” 

Tan’s eyebrows shot up his forehead. 

“Yes! Of course I can, Antoni.” Tan squeezed Antoni’s hand and followed him down the hall back to his bedroom. 

Tan then picked up the soup and led Antoni out to the kitchen where he set it down and pulled out a small pot which he poured the soup into and set it on the stovetop. While Tan was busy with the soup, Antoni gingerly sat down at the island, hunching over a bit to try and relieve some of the pressure on his ribs. He must have moved the wrong way because, before he knew it, Antoni was squeezing his eyes shut and gasping out in pain. Tan whirled around at the sudden noise and was immediately by Antoni’s side. 

“Ant? What’s wrong?” Tan asked, hovering uncertainly. 

“My ribs hurt.” Antoni grit out, trying to catch his breath. 

Antoni was also hurting in a certain other place, but he wasn’t ready to acknowledge that fact yet, let alone say it out loud to another person. 

“Shit! Wait, I think you have some pain meds from the doctor. I put them down over here. I can’t believe I forgot you should have already taken these.” Tan exclaimed, hurrying over to the sack he had laid down next to the coffee machine. 

“It’s okay.” Antoni insisted, the pain subsiding a bit. 

“No. It’s not.” Tan muttered as he pulled out three different pill bottles. 

Antoni eyed the bottles while Tan pulled out some papers and began comparing the prescriptions to the notes on the pages. 

“Okay so this one,” Tan motioned to one of the bottles, “is your pain meds and they need to be taken with food every six hours. Then this one,” Tan shook a bottle to his left, “is your antibiotic and it needs to be taken every four hours with or without food. And this one,” Tan gestured to the last bottle, “is a muscle relaxer that should be taken as needed every twelve hours. This is just in case your shoulder starts spasming which is possible while it heals since some tendons and muscle was torn or stretched either when it was dislocated or when it was popped back into place.” Tan read off the paper. 

Antoni nodded as he watched Tan pull out a cup, fill it with water, and shake out a pain pill and an antibiotic. 

“Do you need a muscle relaxer?” Tan asked. 

“I don’t think so.” Antoni said, not really feeling any spasms or tightening in his shoulder. Just pain. Everywhere. 

Tan hesitated before looking back at the pills. 

“Honestly, they might help you sleep.” Tan said. 

Antoni thought about it. He doubted he was going to sleep any tonight despite the fact that he was beyond exhausted. Maybe a little extra help wouldn’t hurt. 

“Okay.” Antoni agreed. 

Tan dropped all three pills into Antoni’s hand and set the cup in front of him. While he took the pills, Tan turned back and stirred the soup in the pot. Antoni fiddled with the cup while Tan was busy making his soup. 

“I’m sorry for sending you out earlier.” Antoni whispered, staring at his water. 

Tan turned the burner to simmer and looked over at Antoni. 

“Don’t apologize, you wanted to be alone. That’s okay.” 

“I don’t need to be, though.” Antoni confessed, looking at Tan through his eyelashes. 

Tan turned back to the pot and poured the soup into the bowl, turning the burner off and setting the bowl in front of Antoni. 

“Well, now you’re not. And once you finish with this we’ll go back to my room and try and get some sleep.” Tan stated, sitting down next to Antoni. 

Antoni wanted to argue but couldn’t find the right thing to say so instead he nodded and got to work on eating his soup. Since his dominant hand was currently in a sling, it took Antoni twice as long to eat half the bowl, making a mess in the process. Once the soup cooled down enough, Tan pulled out a straw and Antoni drank the rest of his food. 

By the time Antoni was finished eating, he was listing in his seat. Tan set the bowl in the sink, filling it with water to let it soak, before going back to Antoni. 

“Let’s get you into bed.” Tan said, guiding Antoni out of his seat. 

Antoni stood unsteadily and made it about two feet before his legs gave out. Antoni landed hard on his side, jarring his ribs and causing him to cry out. 

“Ant! I’m so sorry oh my gosh!” Tan shouted, bending down and cradling Antoni’s head in his lap. 

He hadn’t been able to grab ahold of him fast enough and could do nothing but watch as his best friend fell. 

They must have made a lot of noise because mere seconds later a door opened down the hall and Bobby was jogging towards them. 

“Oh my god, are you guys okay?” Bobby asked, crouching down next to the others. 

“I’m fine but Antoni’s legs gave out and he fell and I couldn’t catch him.” Tan said, tears racing down his cheeks. 

Antoni was currently curled on his side, his arms cradling his ribs as he breathlessly sobbed into Tan’s legs. Bobby immediately reached out to pull up Antoni’s shirt to check out his ribs, but paused. He didn’t want to touch him without his permission. 

“Ant, it’s Bobby. I’m going to pull your shirt up so I can look at your ribs and make sure that they didn’t move anywhere they aren’t supposed to. Okay? I need you tell me it’s okay.” Bobby said, one hand coming up to cup Antoni’s face. 

Antoni nodded his head, still crying out in pain, and Bobby pulled his shirt up. Tan couldn’t help but gasp out at the dark blue and black bruises covering Antoni’s torso. Bobby hesitated for a moment before feeling around Antoni’s chest, wincing as he felt the bones move and said man gasping out in pain. Once Bobby was satisfied that Antoni hadn’t punctured a lung, he pulled his shirt down and sat back on his heels. 

“Do you want me to help you get to bed?” Bobby asked. 

Antoni laid still for a while, not responding to Bobby, but trying to get his breathing under control. Once he was no longer sobbing, Antoni nodded his head. Tan gently wiped the tears off Antoni’s cheeks before wiping his own away with his shoulders. 

Bobby stood up and, with the help of Tan, gently guided Antoni into a sitting position before pulling him up to stand. When Antoni’s legs threatened to give out again, Bobby wrapped a firm arm around his back and slowly made the walk down the hall. 

“My room.” Tan directed, hurrying ahead to make sure the bed was ready. 

Bobby and Antoni followed the shorter man into his room where Antoni gingerly sat on the edge of his bed. Bobby stepped back and hovered in the doorway, looking between Antoni and Tan. 

“Are you guys good?” Bobby asked, avoiding the word okay. 

Nothing about this situation was okay. 

Tan nodded his head as he helped guide Antoni down onto his bed. 

“We’re good now. Thank you Bobby.” Tan said. 

“Thanks Bobby,” Antoni slurred, his eyes already closing as his head hit the pillow. 

Bobby nodded and slipped out of the room. Tan tucked Antoni in before reaching over and turning his television off. He then turned the lamp on his nightstand off and crawled into bed beside Antoni. While Antoni was, thankfully, asleep due to the drugs he had taken, Tan doubted sleep was going to be easy for him. Tan tossed and turned, mindful of the hurt body next to him, before finally succumbing to sleep about an hour later.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning Jonathan got out of bed and went about his usual skincare routine, humming lightly to a song that was stuck in his slightly throbbing head. He then threw on a silk robe and wandered out into the main living area of the loft. He started to sing softly as he made his coffee before glancing into the sink. There was a dirty bowl filled with water on the right side which was peculiar. The boys rarely, if ever, left dirty dishes in the sink overnight.

Then everything that happened last night hit him. 

Jonathan gripped the sink as he remembered drying Antoni’s hair and shaving his face because he couldn’t do it since his right arm was in a sling because he had been beaten and – 

“Jonathan?” Karamo’s voice broke through his train of thought. 

Jonathan turned around and made eye contact with his friend. Suddenly he realized that his coffee was ready and busied himself by filling it with cream and sugar. 

“You alright?” Karamo asked, pulling out a mug for his own coffee. 

“Yeah just… thinking.” Jonathan said, taking a sip of his coffee and feeling the pounding in his head lessen slightly. 

Karamo huffed as he filled up his mug, “I’ve been thinking all night.” 

“Me too.” Bobby said as he shuffled into the kitchen, yawning. 

“I thought I heard something late last night but I must have been dreaming.” Jonathan spoke up, turning around and leaning his lower back against the counter. 

“Like what?” Karamo asked. 

“Like crying?” Bobby asked, pulling out a breakfast tea bag and turning the electric kettle on. 

“Yeah… wait what happened?” Jonathan asked. 

“Antoni sort of fell last night when he was out here with Tan. He landed on his ribs and we had to help him get to bed.” Bobby explained, watching the kettle heat with some intensity. 

“Jesus Christ…” Karamo muttered as he moved to sit at the island. 

Jonathan opened his mouth to respond but couldn’t figure out what to say. The trio sat in silence until Bobby’s kettle started to whistle. He set the bag in his mug and poured the water over top to let it steep. Just as he was about to pour out the rest of the water, Tan appeared in the kitchen. 

“Wait, can I have some?” Tan asked. 

Bobby nodded and pulled out a mug and another tea bag before pouring water into Tan’s mug. 

“Thank you.” Tan mumbled, heading towards the fridge to pull out some milk. 

“How’s Antoni? Is he still sleeping?” Bobby asked, swirling his teabag around with his spoon. 

Tan nodded as he poured some milk into his mug, “He’s still asleep. I think those muscle relaxers knocked him out. I had to wake him up around six to take some of his antibiotics and he went back out like a light. He was supposed to take some pain meds around eight but I figured if he was asleep he wasn’t feeling any pain so I just let him be.” 

“That’s true. Did he stay with you last night?” Karamo asked. 

“Yeah, he came into my room around two I think and I helped him heat his soup up and gave him his prescriptions. We then decided to just crash in my room.” 

“Has he… has he said anything about what happened?” Jonathan asked meekly. 

Tan shook his head and took a sip of his tea, “No, he hasn’t said much of anything really.” 

“Well, we shouldn’t push him. If he feels like he’s being pushed right now he might just hide further into himself.” Karamo said. 

“We need to let him take his time. He’ll come to one of us when he’s ready to talk. Probably Tan.” Bobby smirked, raising his mug to his lips. 

There was silence after that, all four men drinking from their mugs and trying to wake up while also mulling over their conversation. 

“Who wants eggs?” Bobby asked, setting his empty mug in the sink and opening a cabinet to look for a pan. 

“I’ll start on the bacon.” Karamo suggested, finishing off his coffee. 

“Ooh! Tanny, you want to help me make some biscuits?” Jonathan asked, clapping his hands together. 

“Sure!” Tan agreed, giving Jonathan a small smile. 

There was a slight pang in his chest as he finished off his own tea and set to work making biscuit dough on the counter. Antoni normally insisted on making breakfast every morning. The boys would all gather around the island, helping when needed, and watch as the chef whipped them up something good. Knowing that right now, Antoni was lying on his bed, bruised and beaten and medically asleep made Tan’s heart ache. 

What probably would have taken Antoni only about thirty or-so minutes took the four boys an hour and fifteen minutes to make. The kitchen was a mess, multiple dishes piled in the sink, but soon a platter of eggs, a pile of bacon, and a stack of biscuits sat on the island. 

“Well something certainly smells good,” came Antoni’s voice from the hallway. 

The four guys turned around and called out various ‘good mornings’ to the young man leaning against the doorway. 

Antoni looked rough. He had darks shadows under his eyes despite his night of sleep and the tight lines around his mouth gave away how much pain he was in. His right arm was lazily wrapped around his midsection and his sling was gripped in his left hand. 

“Here, let me help you with that.” Tan said, walking over to help Antoni fasten his sling on his arm. 

“Thanks,” Antoni murmured. 

Tan nodded and turned to lead him into the kitchen when he noticed Antoni’s hesitation. Tan stopped and waited while Antoni seemed to have an internal debate before slowly wrapping an arm around Tan’s shoulder. 

“Can you help me to the island? My side’s sore.” Antoni whispered, eyes on the ground. 

“Of course, love,” Tan muttered, lightly placing his arm around Antoni’s waist and guiding him to the kitchen. 

Karamo pulled a chair out and Jonathan started fixing Antoni a plate while Bobby poured him a glass of orange juice. Tan made sure Antoni was settled in his seat before going to the counter and grabbing Antoni’s pain medication. Antoni’s face was red the entire time, eyes tracing patterns in the swirl of the granite island. 

“Thanks guys… I got breakfast tomorrow,” Antoni whispered, grabbing his fork with his left hand and stabbing at an egg. 

“Don’t worry about it, Ant. We’ve got everything covered until you’re feeling better.” Bobby said, lightly brushing his knuckles up the other man’s spine. 

“Yeah, and I vote no cooking until your arm is sling-free.” Jonathan piped up. 

“Oh, I definitely second that.” Tan agreed, raising his arm. 

Antoni nodded as he ate, mainly keeping to himself. The others filled up their own plates and gathered around the island, keeping the conversation light. Antoni finished off his food and took a gulp of his juice to wash down his pill. 

“Thanks for breakfast guys, I think I’m just going to lay down in my bed for a bit.” Antoni said, giving the guys a small smile. 

“Are you sure?” Jonathan asked, taking Antoni’s plate and putting it in the sink. 

“Yeah, I’m a little sore and these pills might make me sleepy.” Antoni responded, standing unsteadily next to his chair. 

“Here, I gotcha.” Karamo said, holding his arm out for Antoni to grab onto. 

Antoni smiled gratefully before grabbing his arm and letting Karamo lead him to his own room. Karamo pulled down his bedding, seeing as Antoni hadn’t slept in his own bed the night before, and helped him slip under the covers. 

“Thanks,” Antoni murmured, trying to get comfortable despite the aching in his slide. 

“Do you need anything?” Karamo asked, tucking the other man in. 

“Actually, can you get this sling off me?” Antoni asked. 

Karamo reached down and gently undid the straps of the sling and carefully slid it off Antoni’s arm. He laid it out on the man’s nightstand. 

“Thank you.” Antoni said. 

“Anytime…” Karamo stated, hesitating by the bed. 

“Is something wrong?” Antoni asked, looking up at Karamo. 

“No, no it’s just…” Karamo trailed off before sitting on the edge of Antoni’s bed, “I know that you know that all of us are here when you’re ready to talk. I just want you to know that, whatever you say to me in confidence will remain between the two of us. And if you want to just let off steam to friend-Karamo, I’m all ears. But, if you want to talk to therapy-Karamo, I’m always here.” 

Antoni laid in silence, taking in Karamo’s offer. For a minute, the older man thought he may have overstepped his boundaries. Maybe he had pushed too soon. 

But then he felt Antoni’s hand reach over and grip his own, a small smile on his face. 

“Thank you Karamo. I appreciate the offer and I’m going to take you up on that just… not now.” Antoni murmured, squeezing Karamo’s hand. 

“Of course! Whenever you’re ready.” Karamo stressed, squeezing Antoni’s hand back. 

He let go of Antoni’s hand and stood up from the bed, making his way to the door when Antoni called his name. Karamo turned back to the man. 

“I need you to know that… what happened had nothing… it was… Okay. I was making dinner for your birthday and I needed more ingredients and I had to go outside. Then I got attacked. This is in no way your fault.” Antoni stuttered, maintaining eye contact the whole time. 

Karamo felt tears prick his eyes and he had to look away to compose himself before looking back at Antoni. 

“Thank you, for telling me that. I really appreciate it. And to be blunt, none of this was your fault either.” Karamo said. 

Antoni nodded slightly, letting his head fall back onto the pillow and closing his eyes, signaling to Karamo that he was done talking. 

“Get some rest bud.” Karamo whispered, shutting the door behind him.


	5. Chapter 5

None of the guys knew what to do that day. It was unusually quiet inside the loft. Jonathan sprawled out on the couch, reading a book while Bobby flipped through design magazines, marking inspirational spreads. The TV stayed off. Tan cleaned up the kitchen and then continued to check up on Antoni, giving him his medicine when needed and sitting at the island scrolling through his phone when not. Karamo had retreated to his room and not emerged. 

“Should we talk about this? I feel like we should talk about this.” Jonathan said suddenly, setting his book down and sitting up. 

Bobby lowered his magazine while Tan turned around in his seat. 

“What do you want to talk about?” Bobby asked, placing his magazine next to him. 

“I mean just… everything!” Jonathan huffed out, throwing his hands up in exasperation. “How do we help him? How do we go forward? Do we push for him to talk to someone? Do we pretend like it didn’t happen? We start filming in three weeks, are we supposed to move forward and just continue on?” 

The room was filled with silence as the two guys processed what he had just said. 

“Never mind,” Jonathan grumbled, throwing himself back onto the couch, “That was a stupid question.” 

“No, it wasn’t.” Bobby reassured him. 

Tan stood up and walked over to the couch. Bobby moved over and Tan sat down next to him. Jonathan turned his head so he could look at the other two while still laying down. 

“I think that we need to do this at Antoni’s pace. We should be here for him, help him with whatever he needs. I think that, slowly, we should try to bring this up to him. For example, I could try talking to him tonight and see where that gets me. Then maybe somebody else could try in a couple of days.” Tan suggested. 

Bobby nodded in agreement, “I think that should work.” 

“I offered for him to talk to me.” 

All three guys turned to the doorway where Karamo was awkwardly standing. Said man stepped further into the room and sat down behind Jonathan who had moved to make room for him. 

“He said he would take me up on that offer, just not right now.” 

“That’s good.” Bobby said. 

“Did he say anything else?” Tan asked, ever the intuitive. 

“He said… He said that it wasn’t my fault. That he needed me to know that it wasn’t my fault.” Karamo muttered, looking down at his hands. 

“Well he’s right. It wasn’t your fault.” Tan emphasized. 

Bobby murmured his agreement and Jonathan rubbed his arm comfortingly. The men sat in comfortable silence for a bit before Tan glanced down at the time on his phone. 

“It’s time for his antibiotics. I’m going to wake him and give them to him.” Tan said, standing up and heading towards the counter. 

“I think I’m going to order something for dinner. Ask Antoni what he’s in the mood for.” Bobby announced, grabbing his magazine. 

“I’m gonna do some yoga. Want to join me K?” Jonathan asked, standing up and stretching. 

Karamo nodded and followed Jonathan down the hall to his room. Tan stopped at Antoni’s door and lightly knocked before pushing it open. The room was dark, seeing as the curtains hadn’t been opened, and the light from the hall spilled into the room. 

The first thing Tan noticed was that Antoni wasn’t in his bed. The sheets were rumpled and the pillows were mashed down. Tan turned the bedside lamp on and set the glass of water and Antoni’s medications on the nightstand. 

“Antoni?” Tan called out, heading towards the closed bathroom door. 

The light was on but there was no response. 

“Antoni, are you in there?” Tan asked, knocking on the door. 

Still no response. 

Tan tried the door handle. It was locked. 

“Antoni? I need you to respond or unlock the door.” Tan raised his voice, knocking again. 

Tan saw something move out of the corner of his eye and noticed that Bobby was hovering in the doorway of Antoni’s room. 

“Antoni!” Tan called out again, twisting the knob. 

Bobby came up behind Tan and knocked on the door himself. 

“Antoni, if you don’t let us in I’m going to get my toolkit and unscrew your door from the wall. I don’t want to have to do that but we need to know that you’re safe.” Bobby called out. 

The men waited and, with bated breaths, heard movement from behind the door. Suddenly, there was a quiet click and Tan was able to carefully turn the doorknob. 

The sight they were greeted with was pitiful. 

Antoni was curled up on the ground, his back pressed to the sink cabinets and his knees curled up to his chest. He had a towel haphazardly thrown around his lower body and his skin and hair was soaking wet. The steam that curled up to the ceiling and hurriedly released out into Antoni’s room upon the door opening signaled that he hadn’t been out of the shower for long. 

“Oh, Ant,” Tan murmured as he leaned down to sit next to their friend. 

Bobby opened the closet in the bathroom and pulled out another towel to wrap around Antoni’s shoulders. 

“What happened?” Bobby asked, staying standing. 

“I felt fine in the shower but then it was like all my energy just left. I could barely drag myself out here.” Antoni said, leaning his head back against the cabinets and closing his eyes. 

Tan reached over and smoothed the wet bangs out of Antoni’s eyes before cupping his cheek. 

“Would you like us to help you get dressed?” Tan asked. 

Antoni opened his eyes and glanced over at Tan. 

“Yeah… I just…” Antoni trailed off, his eyes clouding with tears. 

“What?” Tan asked. 

“I just hate this. I hate this so much. I can’t even fucking dress myself or dry my hair or anything.” Antoni sobbed, hunching forward and resting his forehead against his knees. 

Bobby immediately leaned down and rubbed his hand through Antoni’s hair. 

“I am so sorry you are having to go through this right now Ant. But please, please know that we are all here for you. That we are all willing and able to help you in any way that you need. That you are not bothering us in the slightest when you come to us for help.” Bobby murmured. 

Tan stood up and left Bobby to care for Antoni while he rummaged through Antoni’s drawers for some sweats. Once finding some comfy clothes, Tan went back into the bathroom to find that Bobby had helped Antoni sit on the toilet. Together, Bobby and Tan helped Antoni get dried off and dressed. 

“What do you want to eat tonight?” Bobby asked as Tan pulled out the blow-dryer.

“I’m not hungry…” Antoni muttered as he settled down in the chair that had been dragged back into his bathroom. 

“That’s probably why you got so weak, love. You’ve hardly eaten anything today and you really shouldn’t take those pain meds on an empty stomach.” Tan said, helping Antoni put his sling on. 

“How about I order some Panera? That way we can get some light soup into you and we can order some sandwiches too.” Bobby suggested. 

“Okay, but only if it’s – “ 

“Broccoli cheddar, I know.” Bobby finished with a smirk. 

Once Bobby left to call in their food, Tan went to work drying Antoni’s hair. Right after Tan turned the dryer off, Jonathan stuck his head inside. 

“Knock, knock! A little birdy told me that our food is on its way!” Jonathan exclaimed, smiling brightly at the two men’s reflections. 

“Good, I’m starving!” Tan said, putting the blow-dryer away. 

Antoni merely smiled at Jonathan through the mirror before turning to look at him in the eye. 

“Would you… would you mind helping me to the couch?” Antoni asked. 

“Of course honey bunny!” Jonathan said, carefully helping Antoni stand. 

Tan set the chair back into Antoni’s room, scooped up his medications, and followed the pair out to the living room. Karamo was already lounging on the couch, TV finally turned on, but made up a spot for Antoni to sit right next to him. 

“Hey Ant, how are you feeling?” Karamo asked as Antoni gingerly sat down. 

“Sore. Tired. I feel a little dizzy.” Antoni said, leaning back into the cushions and letting Karamo wrap an arm around him. 

“Which is why I had our delivery sped up. We need to get food into you ASAP.” Bobby said from the kitchen. 

Antoni sighed, closing his eyes and leaning his head against Karamo’s shoulder. Tan settled in next to Antoni while the group waited on their food. 

Not long later, the doorbell rang and Jonathan helped Bobby bring their food into the living room. Karamo helped Antoni sit up and they began to eat. The coffee table was pulled up to the couch so Antoni could easily reach his bowl of soup. It was harder than Antoni would like to admit. His ribs were hurting from hunching over and he was having to use his left hand to hold his spoon which was beginning to shake a bit. Antoni hadn’t put his sling back on yet so his right arm was curled awkwardly around his torso, his shoulder beginning to ache. 

Suddenly Antoni lost his grip on his spoon and it fell back into his bowl with a clatter, splashing soup onto the coffee table. Antoni immediately clenched his eyes shut and clutched his forehead, inhaling sharply. He felt tears begin to slip down his cheeks. 

“Hey, woah, you’re okay!” Tan said. 

Antoni felt Karamo’s arm reach up and rub his upper back. He heard somebody get up and clean the table. Somebody else had gone into the kitchen. Antoni couldn’t hold back a sob as he was gently pulled into Karamo’s arms. 

“Just let it out, Ant,” Karamo murmured into Antoni’s hair. 

So he did. 

“I’m so frustrated,” Antoni grit out, his breath hitching, “I’m frustrated and sore and sad and mad. They knew me. They knew my name. They wanted a picture. And afterwards they dragged me into the alley. I was held down and they were all over me and they destroyed me.” 

Antoni gagged a bit and Karamo rubbed his left arm in comfort. Tan had taken his left hand into both of his. It felt like Bobby and Jonathan had moved to sit on the coffee table, across from him. 

“When I didn’t do what they wanted, they beat me. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t scream. I don’t even know how long I was there.” Antoni gasped out before his voice grew harsh, “And now I can’t do a damn thing. I can’t shower. I can’t cook. I can’t fucking eat. They took so much from me and it feels like they’re still taking from me.” 

Antoni continued to sob even after he was done ranting. It took a while for him to calm down but before he knew it he was limply leaning against Karamo, his breath hitching every once in a while. He opened his eyes and looked around at the others. 

Tan had tear tracks on his own cheeks but gave Antoni a small smile when he looked at him, squeezing his hand lightly. Bobby and Jonathan had indeed moved to sit on top of the coffee table. Both boys were holding hands and Bobby reached out and squeezed Antoni’s knee. 

“We’re really sorry that you’re going through this Ant.” Bobby murmured, rubbing his thumb over his kneecap, “But we want you to know that we are all here for you. We’re going to help you until you can stand on your own two feet. Okay?” 

Antoni nodded, giving the boys what he hoped to be a genuine smile. It probably looked more like a grimace. 

“I’m going to get your meds from the counter and I brought you this.” Jonathan said, brandishing a straw. 

Antoni reluctantly took the utensil as Jonathan spun around and headed towards the kitchen. 

“Listen Ant, none of us can even begin to understand what you’re going through right now but what I do know is that you shouldn’t push yourself just so you won’t feel like an inconvenience. If myself or Karamo or any of us had been hurt, and we tried to do things on our own even though we couldn’t, wouldn’t you insist that you help?” Tan tried to reason with Antoni. 

The look on the other’s man face hinted at the fact that Tan had gotten through to him a bit. Jonathan came back and placed the pills in Antoni’s hand and then held out a cup with a straw for him to wash them down. 

Soon the group went back to eating, but the heaviness from Antoni’s breakdown was too suffocating and Jonathan insisted on switching the TV to a lighthearted movie. 

“Aw! Let’s watch Peter Pan!” Jonathan exclaimed, browsing through the choices on the Disney app. 

“What about Lilo and Stitch?” Karamo suggested. 

“What do you want to watch Antoni?” Tan asked the quiet man. 

“I’m down for whatever. I’ll probably fall asleep in the middle of it anyway.” Antoni replied, sipping on his soup. 

“What’s your favorite Disney movie?” Bobby asked curiously. 

“Ratatouille.” Antoni responded. 

Karamo snorted, “Of course it is.” 

“Ratatouille it is!” Jonathan stated, searching for the movie. 

Antoni opened his mouth to argue but was quickly silenced by the look Tan gave him. 

Let us help you. 

True to his word, Antoni fell asleep not even twenty-five minutes into the film. Karamo and Tan carefully helped Antoni shift into a more comfortable position which supported his right shoulder and his ribs. Karamo raked his fingers through Antoni’s hair while Tan massaged his legs absentmindedly. 

Soon Ratatouille was over and there was a quiet argument over which movie to watch next when it was revealed that Tan had never seen Toy Story. 

“How have you never seen Toy Story?!” Jonathan exclaimed, trying to keep his voice down. 

“It just wasn’t something that my mother thought I should watch!” Tan tried to defend himself. 

“What a sad childhood.” Antoni murmured, eyes still closed and lip sleepily curled into a smirk. 

“Ant! Are you awake?” Bobby asked, reaching over and nudging his foot. 

“Hmmm… maybe?” Antoni responded, slowly opening his eyes. 

There was a chorus of chuckles as Jonathan started Toy Story and this time Antoni almost made it the whole movie before growing unbelievably tired. 

“Sorry to ruin movie night but I think I’m going to bed now.” Antoni said, trying to sit up. 

Karamo helped ease him into a sitting position while Tan rubbed his arm. 

“Are you sure? Do you want to sleep in my room again?” Tan asked. 

Antoni shook his head, “No, I’ll just sleep in my own bed. Thanks though.” 

Bobby stood up and offered his hands to help Antoni get to his room. 

“Okay, but, wake me up if you need me,” Tan said concernedly. 

“I will.” Antoni promised as Bobby guided him to his room. 

Once Bobby had made sure that Antoni was settled in for the night, he turned the lamp off and shut his door. Not long after that, all four boys decided it was time to turn in themselves, mainly for the sake of keeping the noise down so Antoni could sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

It was around three in the morning when Antoni jolted awake with a gasp. His shirt was clinging to his upper body with sweat and his heart was pounding in his throat. He couldn’t remember what exactly he had been dreaming about, but it hadn’t been good. 

Slowly, Antoni untangled himself from his sheets and stood up. His shoulder and ribs were aching and Antoni knew he was due for some pain medication. He entertained the idea of taking a muscle relaxer, just for the sake of sleeping better. Quietly, Antoni stumbled through the dark loft into the kitchen. He turned the light over the stove on and the room was bathed in a soft white glow. 

Finding his pill bottles wasn’t the problem. Opening them was. 

Sighing in frustration, Antoni set the bottles on the counter and grit his teeth. He really didn’t want to wake Tan up again no matter what he said earlier. He felt bad. 

Bobby had been woken up by him last night too and Antoni still felt bad for snapping at Jonathan. That left Karamo. 

Antoni shuffled down the hall to Karamo’s room and lightly knocked on his door. 

There was no response. 

Antoni held his breath and knocked again. 

Still nothing. 

A part of him was relieved that he hadn’t woken the other man up but the other part of him was trying to figure out how he was going to get his pill bottles open now. Antoni turned and started back down the hall towards the kitchen when he heard a door open behind him. 

“Antoni? What’s up?” Karamo asked, voice raspy with sleep. 

Antoni took a deep breath before facing Karamo, eyes filling with tears for some reason. Probably frustration. 

“Can you help me open my pill bottles?” Antoni whispered. 

Karamo’s face softened in understanding as he stepped out of his room. 

“Yeah, no problem.” 

The two men walked into the kitchen and Antoni sat himself at the island while Karamo opened his medication bottles. 

“Do you need a muscle relaxer?” Karamo asked, shaking a pill into his palm when Antoni nodded. 

He set the pills down in front of Antoni before filling a cup of a water and handing it to the man. 

Antoni threw the pills back and swallowed them down in one gulp. 

“Thanks, I’m sorry I –“ 

“If you’re going to apologize for waking me up, I’m going to stop you right there.” Karamo said softly, setting Antoni’s cup in the sink. 

Antoni felt his face heat up as he stared at the island. 

It was silent for a while before Karamo spoke again. 

“So, do you feel any better after getting all of that off your chest this evening?” Karamo asked. 

Antoni lifted his left shoulder up in a shrug. 

Karamo took a deep breath as he leaned across the island and took Antoni’s left hand in his own. He waited until the other man finally looked up and met his eyes. 

“Listen, you’re not going to feel one hundred percent better after one breakdown. This is a process and the only way you can continue through this process is to ask for, and receive, help. I am so proud of you for reaching out to me tonight for help. That was a big step for you.” Karamo said. 

Antoni suddenly felt angry. He wanted to snap at Karamo not to talk to him like he was a victim but the fight left him just as quickly as it came. 

In reality, he was a victim.

“I want… I think I want to tell you what happened. If that’s… okay with you.” Antoni whispered after a few minutes of contemplative silence. 

Karamo blinked and pulled back a little. 

“If that’s really what you want, I’m all ears. But don’t push yourself if you’re not ready.” 

Antoni nodded slightly, squeezing Karamo’s hand. 

“I think that if I don’t say this now, I never will. It’ll just sit inside my chest and I’ll just bottle it up like I’ve done everything else.” Antoni said. 

Karamo took a deep breath and nodded. 

“Okay. Do you want to sit out here or go back to your room? Or go back to my room?” Karamo asked. 

“Maybe my room?” Antoni asked, suddenly anxious. 

Karamo nodded and turned the light off over the stove before helping Antoni into his room. Once inside, Karamo shut the door while Antoni turned the lamp on. He sat down on the edge of his bed and looked up at Karamo. 

“I’ve found that when you’re more comfortable then you’re more willing to open up. So, figure out whatever makes you the most comfortable and we’ll go from there.” Karamo suggested. 

Antoni nodded and slowly laid back on his bed. He patted the bed next to him and Karamo slipped in, leaning against the headboard. Antoni shuffled underneath the blankets, burrowing into his pillow and looked up at Karamo. 

“I don’t know where to start…” Antoni trailed off. 

Karamo hummed and crossed his arms over his chest. 

“Start wherever feels right.”

Antoni stared at the ceiling for a bit, contemplating what he should say. 

“There was five of them. They wanted to take a picture, they knew my name. I remember one of them had blue eyes and I thought they were… pretty… so I said yes. Afterwards, they dragged me into the alley and behind a dumpster. There were so many of them and they were so strong and I tried. I tried, Karamo. I told them to stop. I told them no. There were too many of them.” Antoni broke off with a shuddering gasp, tears in his eyes. 

Karamo reached out and set a comforting hand on Antoni’s shoulder. His eyes were suspiciously bright. 

“Two of them held me down and the other three – they just…” Antoni sobbed. 

“Shh… you’re safe. You’re here with me in your bedroom. They’re not here.” Karamo murmured, rubbing Antoni’s arm. 

Antoni took a few deep breaths before continuing, “After they left, I laid in the alley for… I don’t know how long. It took me a while to realize that I still had my phone. I remember just staring at it, not really knowing what to do. Eventually I got up and I think I got a ride to the hospital. Honestly I don’t know how I got there. It’s all a haze.” 

“That’s understandable. When you go through something traumatic, sometimes you zone out during or after the events. It’s called dissociation. It’s your brain’s way of protecting you from danger while also trying to process what you just went through. That’s why you can’t remember how you got to the hospital.” Karamo explained. 

Antoni nodded, “That makes sense.” 

The men stayed in silence for a while. Karamo trying to process what Antoni had just told him while the other man silently cried. 

“You can tell the others. What I just told you, I mean.” Antoni whispered after a few minutes. 

“Are you sure?” Karamo asked, glancing down at him. 

“I don’t think I can say all that again any time soon.” Antoni responded. 

Karamo nodded in understanding. 

Antoni took a deep breath and reached up with his left hand to wipe his face clean, dislodging Karamo’s arm. 

“Thank you for sharing that with me.” Karamo said sincerely. 

All Antoni could do was nod. 

“Why don’t I take you to Tan’s room for the night? That way you’re not alone.” Karamo suggested, getting off Antoni’s bed. 

Said man hesitated, “I don’t know…I don’t want to – “ 

“Be a bother?” 

Antoni avoided eye contact with Karamo. 

“Tan was very concerned when you said that you would be staying in your own room tonight. I’ll bet you anything he’s still up right now. I think you’ll both sleep better with each other nearby.” Karamo reasoned. 

Antoni remained silent so Karamo leaned over to force him to make eye contact. 

“Let us help you.” Karamo whispered which brought tears back to Antoni’s eyes. 

Antoni nodded and Karamo helped him out of his bed. They turned the light off in his room and Karamo led him to Tan’s room, lightly knocking on the door. Just as Karamo had thought, Tan was still awake. The other man opened the door, his rumpled hair and clothes suggesting he had been doing nothing but tossing and turning. 

“Oh, hi Karamo. I thought you were – Ant! I didn’t see you there!” Tan said, opening his door more. 

Tan stepped aside and both Karamo and Antoni came into his room. Antoni sat on the edge of Tan’s bed, wrapping his left arm around his torso and hugging his right arm against his chest. Tan stood next to Antoni, playing with his hair. 

“Can he stay with you tonight?” Karamo asked. 

“Of course you can love,” Tan murmured, kissing the top of Antoni’s head. 

“Can I talk to you outside for a minute?” Karamo asked Tan. 

Tan hesitated but watched as Antoni merely turned and burrowed underneath Tan’s blankets. 

“Yeah, sure.” Tan told Karamo, “I’ll be right back.” Tan said to Antoni. 

Tan stepped out of his room with Karamo, pulling the door shut behind him. Karamo gestured for Tan to follow him and they ended up in the kitchen.   
“Antoni isn’t doing all that well right now.” Karamo started, “He just told me what happened to him that night. Not all the details, mind you, but he did say that I can tell you guys because he doesn’t think he can talk about it again any time soon.” 

Tan sat quietly while Karamo filled him in, a few tears slipping down his cheeks. 

“Thank you for telling me.” Tan whispered and Karamo nodded. 

“I’ll let you get back to him.” Karamo said. 

Both men went back down the hall and said goodnight before parting ways into their respective rooms. Tan closed his door behind him and turned to see Antoni already curled up underneath the covers. His eyes were open and he watched as Tan turned his bedside lamp off before carefully climbing in next to him.   
“Are you okay?” Tan asked, once he got situated next to Antoni. 

Said man shook his head, his back to the Brit. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Tan asked. 

Once again, Antoni shook his head. 

“Okay, well, you know I love you, right?” Tan asked. 

There was no movement for a while and Tan thought Antoni must have succumbed to a drug-filled sleep until Antoni rolled onto his back, staring at the   
ceiling. 

“I love you, too,” Antoni whispered into the darkness. 

Tan rolled over and gently wrapped his hand around Antoni’s injured arm as both men settled down and fell asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning was the same as the previous one: Jonathan, Karamo, Bobby, and Tan all woke before Antoni and set about making breakfast before he got up. The four men sat around the island, making small talk and picking at their food. Karamo eventually told Bobby and Jonathan what Antoni had told him earlier that morning. 

“I wish we could find those bastards…” Jonathan muttered, angrily slicing into his stack of pancakes. 

“We have to give him time, Jonathan. Remember, we have to do this at Antoni’s pace. He may never feel comfortable coming forward and reporting it and we have to respect that.” Bobby reminded the youngest man. 

Tan opened his mouth to respond when a slight bang echoed from down the hall. All four men jumped up and were heading towards Tan’s room in record time. Tan threw his door open and came face to face with a wide-eyed Antoni. 

“I bumped into your nightstand and your lamp hit the wall...” Antoni muttered, face heating up upon realizing all four guys were checking on him. 

There was a brief moment of awkward silence which was interrupted by Karamo clearing his throat. 

“We made pancakes.” 

Jonathan and Bobby took that as their cue to head to the kitchen and start making Antoni a plate. 

“Here, I’ll grab your sling.” Tan offered, disappearing down the hall into Antoni’s room. 

That just left Antoni hovering in Tan’s room and Karamo leaning against the doorframe. 

“I was fine, you know,” Antoni muttered, eyes trained on his feet. 

“But we didn’t, actually,” Karamo said. 

Antoni glanced up at his friend’s face before looking away again, a scowl forming. 

“I wish you guys would stop treating me like I’m glass.” Antoni growled. 

Karamo sighed before stepping into the room and placing his hand on Antoni’s uninjured shoulder, squeezing slightly. 

“We’re not trying to treat you like glass, and I’m sorry that’s how you feel, but we just don’t want anything else to happen to you. We want to make sure that we’re here for you whenever you need us and we don’t want you hurt any more than you are.” Karamo said, ducking his head to meet Antoni’s eyes. 

Antoni sighed and nodded slightly to acknowledge that he had heard Karamo but didn’t say anything. 

“I have your sling, love,” Tan said, breaking the silence that had enveloped the pair. 

Karamo squeezed Antoni’s shoulder one last time before stepping aside and letting Tan put the sling on him. Antoni winced as his shoulder settled into the   
sling which made Tan cluck his tongue. 

“I think you’re due for your pain meds.” The shorter man said. 

Antoni groaned and squeezed his eyes shut, “But they make me feel groggy and I don’t want to feel groggy today.” 

“But you need to rest, darling, and you can’t fully do that if you’re in pain.” Tan tried reasoning with him. 

A frustrated expression crossed Antoni’s face and Karamo decided it was time to intervene before Tan was unintentionally snapped at. 

“Why don’t we hold off on the pain meds and see how long you can go without them.” Karamo suggested. 

Tan looked like he was about to object but bit his tongue when he saw the way Antoni’s entire body relaxed at the idea. Instead, he led the way to the kitchen where Bobby and Jonathan had stacked a plate high with precut syrup-laden pancakes, the butter melted into the cakes. The boys had poured him a glass of juice and set out his pill bottles for him, caps off. 

Antoni slid onto the barstool and began to slowly pick his way through his meal. Tan took the liberty of plucking a pill from its designated bottle and setting them next to Antoni’s juice, sans pain pill. The others made light small talk while Antoni busied himself with his meal, eating about ¾ of it, before swallowing his pills. 

Bobby had suggested going to the store to pick up some things which Karamo agreed was well overdue. As the men made a list, Antoni found himself zoning out. The realization that he never wanted to go inside a grocery store again brought tears to his eyes. He loved food, he loved shopping for food, but those men ruined that experience for him. Jonathan noticed that Antoni was in some form of distress and slid behind him, allowing the older man to lean his body weight against his chest. 

“You okay, Ant?” Jonathan asked, trying to keep his voice low. 

However, everybody was hyper-aware of Antoni’s wellbeing currently and so three pairs of concerned eyes immediately snapped to the Canadian’s face. 

Antoni nodded, reaching up and wiping a stray tear off his face, before opening his mouth and choking out: “I don’t want to go.” 

Instantly there was a chorus of voices reassuring him that he didn’t have to and that he needed to stay home and rest anyway. Tan reached out and grabbed his hand, firmly and lovingly. 

“I think Tanny and I are going to stay here with you while Bobbers and Karamo are going to the store.” Jonathan announced, making eye contact with Bobby. 

“That’s exactly the plan.” Bobby agreed, double checking his list, “Do you need anything from the store?” Bobby asked Antoni. 

Suddenly, Antoni felt his breath catch in his throat. He squeezed his eyes shut, breath quickening, and shook his head no. 

Jonathan wrapped his arms carefully around Antoni’s chest, mindful of his ribs, and leaned forward to murmur words of encouragement into his ear. Tan tightened his grip on Antoni’s hand, rubbing his thumb in circles.

“It’s okay, just breathe Antoni.” Karamo instructed, stepping closer to the other man. 

“I’m sorry.” Antoni murmured, trying to catch his breath. 

“Don’t apologize.” Tan said, wrapping his other hand around Antoni’s. 

Antoni tried to get his breath under control but his efforts were useless, his breathing close to hyperventilating. He snapped his eyes open in panic and stared at Karamo, realizing he couldn’t breathe and his ribs were beginning to ache. Karamo immediately stepped forward and pried Antoni’s hand out of Tan’s, setting it on his own chest. 

“Okay, Antoni, feel my chest rise and fall. Can you feel it? I want you to match your breaths with mine, okay? In for three seconds and out for four.” Karamo said, exaggerating his breath. 

All four men stood around for the next couple of minutes, anxiously watching as their friend worked through his panic attack. Once Antoni was finally breathing properly, he slowly slid his hand out of Karamo’s grasp and leaned away from Jonathan. 

“I think I’m going to lie down for a bit.” Antoni announced, avoiding eye contact with everyone. 

“Don’t do that.” Tan blurted out, “Don’t shut us out.” 

Antoni froze in his seat, tears prickling his eyes and beginning to spill down his cheeks. 

“Let’s process what just happened, Antoni. Do you want the others to leave or can they stay?” Karamo said, leaning down to look at Antoni. 

Antoni paused before whispering, “They can stay.” 

Karamo nodded. 

“What made you cry earlier?” Karamo asked. 

Antoni took a shaky breath, “Bobby was talking about going to the store and I realized that… that I never want to step foot in a grocery store again… but I love shopping for food but when I think about it now I get anxious and – “ 

“Breathe.” Karamo reminded the younger man. 

Antoni paused and took some deep breaths, his ribs twinging at each inhale. Jonathan rubbed his hand up and down Antoni’s back in a grounding gesture. 

“Okay. It’s good to acknowledge these feelings. You feel uneasy about going into a store right now which is understandable. But it’s not going to be forever. I can promise you’ll work up to it eventually. Now, what made you have a panic attack? Was it the idea of going to the store?” Karamo asked. 

Antoni slowly shook his head. 

“No. Bobby asked if I needed anything and it made me think of the garlic that I bought and I just… my brain connected it to the alley and I – I guess I got overwhelmed.” Antoni muttered. 

Karamo nodded in understanding. 

“That makes sense.” 

Antoni sat quietly, tears slipping down his cheeks, slowly taking deep breaths to calm himself down. Tan had moved closer, lightly touching his lower back in a comforting gesture. Bobby was fiddling with the edge of his shopping list, an unnatural feeling of guilt welling up in his chest. Karamo had moved to lean against the island, watching Antoni with critical eyes. Jonathan was still standing behind him, his hands gently resting on Antoni’s shoulders. 

“I’m okay.” Antoni whispered, glancing up at the others. 

Bobby shook his head slowly, “No, you’re not. But that’s fine. We’re here to help you be okay again.” 

Antoni felt tears welling up again, clinging to his eyelashes. He leaned back against Jonathan, resting his head on his chest. Tan moved his hand to grab Antoni’s giving it a small squeeze. 

“Thank you.” Antoni whispered.


	8. Chapter 8

Jonathan led Antoni over to the couch while Bobby finished his grocery list and Karamo cleaned up their breakfast dishes. Tan sat at the island, his attention divided between Antoni and Karamo. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” Karamo asked, leaning over the freshly wiped island, pitching his voice low. 

Bobby glanced at the two men before taking his list and heading towards the couches. Tan gave Bobby an appreciative smile before sighing. 

“I don’t know…” Tan whispered, glancing back over at Antoni. 

Said man was currently sprawled against Jonathan’s side, a forlorn look gracing his features, having a quiet conversation with Jonathan and Bobby. 

“It’s just… should we do something more? Suggest he talk to someone that could provide him medication? Get him to report it? He keeps breaking down and every time it becomes more and more painful to watch him try to put himself back together. Are we helping him?” Tan whispered, voice clogged with emotion. 

“I think we keep pushing as much as we are right now. We don’t want to overwhelm him but we also don’t want to let this go. It’s going to take time, Tan, that’s something we’re going to have to remember. We just have to be patient and supportive.” Karamo murmured. 

Tan sighed and glanced back at Antoni who had his eyes closed as he laid against Jonathan. 

“Patience…” Tan muttered. 

******************************

It had been a few days since the grocery shopping incident. Antoni wasn’t doing any better but he wasn’t any worse. While he was physically healing, he was still withdrawn and quiet, zoning out often enough to cause the boys to worry. Every night he slept in Tan’s room, the older man insisting that he do so and that he wasn’t a bother. 

Then came the nightmares. 

Each nigh Antoni woke suddenly, gasping for air and flailing about. The first night this had happened Tan jerked awake and immediately grabbed Antoni who shouted at the sudden touch. He jumped up in a panic, twisting away from Tan’s hands and trying to get off the bed. He wasn’t aware, had no idea where he was or who was with him. His legs twisted in the blankets and Antoni fell to the floor, the impact jarring his ribs, but he continued to move until he was pressed against the wall. 

The bedroom door swung open and Jonathan, Bobby, and Karamo all stood in the doorway in various stages of awareness. Apparently Tan had been shouting the entire time, not knowing whether to restrain Antoni to keep him from hurting himself, or not touch him. 

Antoni was on the ground, back pressed into the corner of the wall, arms over his head as he sobbed. 

After that first night, when Antoni woke from his nightmares, Tan would sit next to him and talk softly, keeping his hands in Antoni’s line of sight until he calmed down. Then he would draw Antoni into his arms and cradle him close until he fell back asleep. 

The days blurred together until there was only a week and a half until shooting. The boys were a little nervous about going back to work, not knowing how the stress of filming would impact Antoni. He was no longer having to wear a sling, though he was warned about doing any extensive movements or heavy lifting as it would take 12-16 weeks for his shoulder to properly heal. The bruises and cuts on his face were in various stages of healing and his stitches were nearly ready to be taken out. Antoni insisted on waiting until a week before filming to let the production teams know that he had been in an accident. 

The producers had sent over their next hero’s packet of information to allow the boys to become familiar with them before filming. It was something that they always got a week before the show started. The packet contained their little bio that the boys typically read while in the car, on the way to their house. It also contained pictures of them and more intimate details that wasn’t typically shared on the show. 

Bobby came in that morning with the packet under his arm. The loft smelled delicious, cinnamon apple chunks frying on the stove and biscuits in the oven. Antoni was stirring a small pot on the stove and, upon further inspection, Bobby realized it was a homemade glaze. 

“That smells great!” Bobby exclaimed, sitting down at the island next to Tan and Karamo. 

Antoni looked over his shoulder and smiled at Bobby. 

“Thanks! The biscuits are almost done and then I’ll combine the apples and glaze together in the saucepan and drizzle it over the biscuits.” Antoni explained, his eyes twinkling in the way that they did when he talked about food. 

Antoni turned back to the stove while Bobby pulled the packet out and opened it, spreading its contents out onto the island. 

“So our hero this week is Mason Lynch. He’s six foot three, two hundred and thirty five pounds, and is a correctional officer working with at-risk youths.” Tan read from the paper.   
Karamo held up the picture from the island, staring at their new hero. Jonathan chose this time to pop into the room and lean over Karamo’s shoulder.   
“Ooh! Look at those blue eyes! You could just swim in those babies!” Jonathan cried out, yanking the picture out of Karamo’s hands. 

“I want to see!” Tan shouted and Jonathan brought the picture over for Tan and Bobby to see. 

“He does have pretty eyes,” Bobby agreed. 

“Antoni! Look at our hero!” Jonathan said, bouncing over to Antoni and shoving the picture in his face. 

Antoni was in the process of taking the biscuits out of the oven, having been focusing on cooking and not what the boys were saying, when Jonathan held the picture in front of him. Antoni glanced up, hot tray in hand, and looked at what Jonathan held. 

He couldn’t breathe. 

He wasn’t sure what Jonathan was saying, suddenly his hearing had gone away. A searing pain crawled over the back of his right hand and all his senses came back to him. Antoni jerked his hand back from the rack and dropped the tray in his hands, biscuits falling everywhere. 

“Fuck!” Antoni cried out, cradling his hand against his chest, ignoring the twinge of pain in his shoulder. 

A chorus of shouts filled the room, barstools scraping against the floor as the others jumped up in surprise.

“Oh my god!” 

“Antoni!” 

Somebody grabbed Antoni and dragged him towards the sink, turning the cold water on and shoving his hand under the spray. 

“Are you okay?” Bobby asked and Antoni belatedly realized it had been he who had dragged him to the sink. 

Suddenly tears filled Antoni’s eyes as his breathing became more uneven. Bobby placed his hand on Antoni’s upper back in comfort but pulled back when said man violently flinched. 

“What happened?” Tan asked, holding the trashcan open while Jonathan picked up the ruined biscuits and threw them away. 

Antoni said nothing, focusing on controlling his breathing and willing the water to numb his burnt hand. 

This couldn’t be happening. 

As Tan and Bobby tried to weasel an explanation out of him, Jonathan took it upon himself to clean up the mess on the floor. Antoni glanced around the kitchen, breath hitching in his chest, trying to ignore the situation when he made eye contact with Karamo. 

In just that one look Antoni knew that Karamo had figured it out. His eyes were wide and swirling with shock and anger with just a hint of fear and sadness. 

“He had blue eyes.” Karamo muttered, staring at Antoni. 

“What?” Tan asked, putting the can away. 

“He had blue eyes.” Karamo said, louder. 

Antoni squeezed his eyes shut, hanging his head. 

“What does that have - “ Bobby began but Karamo cut him off. 

“Antoni?” Karamo asked, stepping closer to said man. 

Antoni let out a sob, biting his lip as his shoulders shook. 

“Antoni… he had blue eyes… was that him?” Karamo asked, voice soft. 

The entire room was silent save for the sound of running water and Antoni’s cries. 

Slowly, Antoni nodded his head. 

“Who is he?” Tan asked, breaking the silence. 

All eyes were on Antoni who was still crying, his hand shaking under the water. 

“Who is he?!” Tan demanded, louder now. 

Antoni flinched at Tan’s shouts, causing the shorter man to feel guilty. 

He had to get out of there. 

Antoni reached up and turned the water off before abruptly turning and heading towards his room. 

“Antoni!” 

“Wait!” 

“Do you need help?” 

But Antoni ignored the others as he went straight to his room and slammed the door behind him. 

“Who is that man?” Tan asked, rounding on Karamo. 

“Who do you think?” Karamo asked, trying not to sound snappy as he headed down the hall towards Antoni’s room. 

Jonathan looked down at the picture still in his hand before dropping it on the island as if it had burned him. 

“Shit…” Bobby muttered, turning the burners off on the stovetop and leaving the room. 

Tan’s breath caught in his throat as he stared at the picture until his vision blurred with tears, before leaving the room and slamming his own door shut. 

Jonathan stayed in the kitchen, the comforting scent of apples and cinnamon swirling in the air contrasting with the sick feeling forming in the pit of Jonathan’s stomach. 

Their hero had hurt their brother.


End file.
